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energy buzzed under her skin, making her tense and anxious, she
didn t think she d be able to make it through a meal gathered
around a table with all of them. Her nerves were already
threatening to snap, and the day had only just started.
Luke gave her an amused look.  Well, we were hungry, and
you were sleeping. It seemed like the thing to do.
 Of course. She rubbed her hands on her sides to hide her
awkwardness.  Anything good?
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He grinned.  Mrs. Ginnings cooked this morning. Of course
it s good. He waved his hand toward the hatch.  Go on, hurry up.
It ll be better warm.
She d barely started for the stairs when Nume s laughter made
her freeze, just long enough to put a hitch in her step. It was light
and soft, and it rolled down her spine like a touch. Addy turned her
path toward Nume and Conall like she d meant to walk to them all
along.
 Want to come down and have breakfast with me?
 I eat before, Nume said.  Early. When you sleep.
 I know. She slid her hand into Nume s and threaded their
fingers together, smiled at her endearingly.  But I d love the
company.
Nume nodded, returning the smile. Addy could feel Nume s
gaze on her profile as they walked, curious and wondering. She
could guess well enough what Nume was wondering about, but she
said nothing, waiting for her to speak.
 Sad still? she asked at last.  Why? I do not understand.
 No. I m not sad. Don t be silly. She linked her hands,
running her thumb over her knuckles.  I m with you, aren t I?
How could I be sad?
Nume s lips twisted, a little grimace of skepticism.  You act
sad.
 Do I? Addy looked up at her in surprise.  I ve no idea what
you mean. It s just cobwebs, like I told you. I m sure I ll be just
fine once I have some food in me and I ve woken up properly.
Nume offered her a small, hopeful smile and let it drop. Addy
felt like breathing a sigh of relief, but she held it back and just
walked with her. The chance that any of the others would come
down again, when they d already had their meal, was unlikely.
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They d have time to themselves while Addy ate, and that would be
good. She d eat slowly, and they could talk, just the two of them.
Nume s hand was still curled in hers as they walked. Addy
couldn t bring herself to let go of it.
* * *
A few more days passed, and though Addy had told herself that
it would get easier as time went on, it didn t get any better at all.
She still carried a weight around with every step that she took,
dragging her down and making her exhausted and snappish.
She lay in bed with Nume one night, both of them quiet, though
neither slept. Nume was stretched out on her back and Addy had
curled up, her head on Nume s stomach. She could hear the sounds
of Nume s breathing through the ear pressed to her skin, a slow,
steady rhythm that should have been soothing. Nume stroked her
hand through Addy s hair, twisting locks between her fingers.
It should have been lazy and peaceful and pleasant. Addy tried
to feel that way, but with her head laying on the warm skin of
Nume s stomach, still flat and soft as it had always been, she
couldn t help but think that it might not be that way for long.
Her thoughts led her, like links in a chain, back to the same
place, no matter what she tried to turn them to. Always, they lead
her back to what they were trying to do. What had already been
done. She shut her eyes and spread her hand over Nume s hip.
 What if it didn t work? she whispered at last, breaking the
silence because she couldn t keep the fear locked up inside her
another moment.
Nume pushed up on one elbow and looked down at her. Her
hand stayed in Addy s hair, stroking.
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Addy moved the hand on Nume s hip to her belly, low, where
they would first start to see the bulge if all had worked as it was
meant to.  There s no guarantee. She met Nume s eye, begging
her silently to understand.  It might not have worked. We can t
know. If it didn t&  Her throat closed off. She cleared it and
forced herself to finish.  Then what will you do?
Nume s expression cleared with comprehension. She slid her
hand in Addy s hair down to brush over her cheek.  I do not
know.
Addy had to shut her eyes. They stung fiercely, like she d
splashed something in them she shouldn t have.  That is not very
reassuring. She opened her eyes again because she had to see
Nume s response.
Nume lifted one shoulder, a slight shrug, and gave a little
grimace of sympathetic helplessness.  As you say, we cannot
know, and cannot guarantee. I do not know. I only hope. She
covered Addy s hand, pressed it so Addy could feel the warmth of
her skin.  Every day, I hope. Maybe it is enough. She shrugged
again. She looked lost.  Maybe not.
Addy pressed her lips to Nume s stomach, then turned her
cheek against it and wrapped her arms around Nume s waist,
holding her hard.
* * *
Addy floated on her back, drifting in and out of the shade of the
boat s hull, so that the sun flashed slowly between crimson and
black against her eyelids. Her shift floated about her legs, tangling
on them, but so long as she just floated it didn t matter.
She could hear splashing as the others swam around, shrieking
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A QUEEN S DOWRY
or laughing or splashing one another. She d tried to join them at
first, when they d all disrobed and jumped in, but Conall had
caught her in the face with a wall of water meant for Luke and
when she d come up, sputtering and wiping the water from her
eyes, anger had burned through her so bright and intense that it had
frightened her, and she hadn t been able to do anything but stare at
him.
She d excused herself then, pleading exhaustion, to float
alongside the boat so they could continue to have their fun. No one
had stopped her. So now she kept her eyes shut against the glare of
the sun and tried not to listen to them too closely. Not close enough
to hear what was being said, or who was speaking, or to whom.
Not even close enough to know if it was Samari or Ilian they were
speaking, because every time she overheard Conall struggling to
address Nume in her own language, it made Addy s stomach twist
like a nest of vipers.
It didn t seem right for them to have something like that to
share between them. It should have been Addy that she bowed her
head with in secret conversation, something close and intimate and
just between them. Not Conall, who seemed to have a surprising
amount to say for someone who supposedly only knew obscenities.
It seemed as though some of the splashing had drawn closer.
She frowned, listening, trying to differentiate the normal sounds of [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]