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Bill, the Galactic Hero on the Planet of Zombie Vampires on the plumbing while
we conduct our scientific business. The air is rather thick in here."
Caine's laboratory was just off the okra room, and they had to move several
plants off the potting bench to make enough room to stretch Bruiser out.
"Shouldn't we start with Christianson?" asked Tootsie. "I mean, if we make a
mistake I'd rather it was him. Bruiser's no prize, but..."
"Sentimentality has no place in the objective world of science," said Caine.
"It leads to muddled thinking and erroneous conclusions. We start with
Bruiser. Pass me the trowel."
"Trowel?" asked Bill.
"On the magnetboard there, between the rake and the hoe," said Caine. "As an
ex-farmboy, I'm sure you have the residual wit to recognize a trowel."
"But this is a time for quick-thinking medical action," complained Bill,
nonetheless passing Caine the trowel.
"Exactly what I have in mind," said Caine. "I want to see if I can pry this
attached alien off of Bruiser."
"Be gentle," said Tootsie.
"I can assure you I won't harm Bruiser," said Caine, trying to pry loose a
cute little webbed foot.
"I was thinking more of the alien," said Tootsie. "Even though it's probably
really dangerous and could kill us all, it's adorable."
"More sentimentality," grumped Caine, laying down the trowel in frustration.
"It won't let go. Pass me the pruning shears, Bill."
"Are you going to cut it off?" shouted a horrified Larry. Or Curly.
"No, I want a blood sample."
"I wouldn't do that," said Rambette hastily. "We don't know anything at all
about its blood. It could be caustic and the slightest drop might eat its way
through the floor and all the other decks below us until it breached the hull
and we all died."
"Shut up," he implied. "It's Bruiser's blood I need to sample."
"Oh, that's different," said Rambette. "Take all you want."
"Thanks," Caine said dryly, clipping off the tiniest tip of Bruiser's left
earlobe and collecting a few drops of blood in a small clay flower pot. "I'll
just run this through my analyzer."
"I'm impressed," said Tootsie. "I've never seen real science in action."
Bill looked at the pruning shears and wondered if he could borrow them when
Caine was through. He'd broken two of Rambette's knives trying unsuccessfully
to clip the toenails on his elephant foot, and she refused to loan him any
more.
"Amazing," said Caine, punching buttons on his analyzer.
"What did you find?" asked Bill, as the crew gathered around Caine.
"A total lack of chlorophyll," he said. "I've never seen anything like it."
"We are talking human beings here," said Bill. "While Bruiser certainly has
his faults, he's probably just a little more animal than vegetable."
"This is the first time I've run anything but plant stems or crushed-up leaves
through here," said Caine, shaking his head. "I
always get chlorophyll."
"Where me be?" asked Bruiser, sitting up. "What's for dinner? I'm starved."
"Me too," said Christianson. "I've never been as hungry as I am now."
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"You're both alive!" cried Bill.
"What else? You nuts?" grumbled Bruiser, holding a now-limp alien in his hand.
"What's dis thing? Last I
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Bill, the Galactic Hero on the Planet of Zombie Vampires remember I was
sniffing a pod."
"Easy with that!" yelled Caine, rushing over and grabbing it away from
Bruiser. "That's a valuable alien creature."
"I got one too," said Christianson, holding it out at arm's length by a limp
webbed foot. "But I think mine is dead."
"They're both dead," said Caine. "How do you feel, Bruiser?"
"Real hungry," he said. "Besides dat, I feel good  except maybe I got kinda
pain in my earlobe. Let's eat."
"They've been through a lot," said Rambette. "And I'm starved myself."
"I shall stay here and examine the aliens," said Caine. "A true scientist
ignores such mundane concerns as food while hot on the trail of unprecedented
and electrifying discoveries."
"Chow time. Let's go," Bruiser said salivatingly.
"What's that crappy odor?" sniffed Christianson as they started heading for
the galley.
"Don't ask," said Bill, relieved to be free of aliens and back to the normal
concerns of plumbing problems and good food.
"Look!" said Tootsie. "Oh, it's gone."
"What's gone?"
"I thought I saw a mouse. It scuttled around a corner before I could get a
good look at it."
"Better be porkuswine chops left or dere be trouble," said Bruiser.
Scuttled?
Bill thought.
Did she really say scuttled?
CHAPTER 10
There were indeed porkuswine chops left, at least, there were until about ten
seconds after Bruiser sat down. It wouldn't have taken him even that long
except he had to stab his fork into the back of
Christianson's hand to make sure he got them all.
Bruiser and Christianson were putting down the food as fast as it appeared on
the table. They both had been known to have well above average appetites, but
this was ridiculous.
"This is ridiculous," said Rambette, holding up a limp piece of chicken-fried
sea slug. "Tell me, is this supposed to be crisp?"
"What you see is what you get," said Uhuru, who was seated at the large table,
still wearing his spacesuit.
"Fresh from the microwave." [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]