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 Maybe? She leaned towards him.  Alexis cheated on you and you knew about it?
 She didn t cheat. He looked away and sighed.  I knew about it.
 What? Her voice rose and she looked at him in shock.  What do you mean?
 I don t want to talk about it any further, Sophie.
 Your fiancée slept with other men and you knew about it and it was okay with you?
 She is my ex-fiancée. His voice was harsh.  I didn t love her and we had an unconventional
relationship.
 What do you mean?
 Sophie it s the past.
 I want to know.
 Sophie, there is nothing good that can come from you knowing.
 I love you, Max. I want to know more about your past.
 My love for you is all that matters.
 No, it s not. Her voice was resolute.
He sighed and grabbed her hand.  Please, Sophie. I don t want to go back to that place.
 I think you owe it to me, Max. A baby was delivered here today. A baby you had with Alexis. I need
to know, Max, she pleaded with him.
 We were members of a sex club, Sophie. She fucked other men. I fucked other women. Sometimes
we had threesomes, sometimes I didn t know if I was fucking her or another woman. His voice was
harsh and he looked at her with pained eyes.  Does that make you feel better? Are you satisfied now
that you know?
 No. Her voice was small and tears sprang to her eyes. Max studied her face and felt a dull rumbling
in his ears. He was mad at himself, he had been harsher that he had intended and now she was upset.
He didn t know why she wouldn t just leave it alone.
 I m sorry, Sophie.
 Do you miss them?
 Miss what?
 The clubs?
 No. His voice was loud.  No. I frequented them at a bad time in my life, Sophie.
 I want to see what it was like. Her voice was a whisper.
 No.
 I want to see, Max.
 It s not a good idea, Sophie. You don t belong in that world.
 It was a part of your life, Max. I want to understand. She studied his face and played with her long
brown hair.  I want to know everything about your life. I want to understand every part of you.
 I don t want you to leave me.
 I ll never leave you, Max.
 I couldn t survive without you, Sophie. I wouldn t have anything to live for without you in my life.
 I will always be here, Max. I promise. She leaned forward and kissed him.  I love you more than
the stars in the sky and the grass on the ground. I just want to understand you better.
 Okay. He stared into her eyes.  We can go tomorrow night if Ella will babysit for us.
 Okay. She smiled at him weakly.
 And about Jacob, we can give him up for adoption if you want. His words trailed off and she
placed a finger to his lips.
 I would never make you do that, Max. Her voice was low.  It s not the baby s fault.
 Thank you. He held her close to him and a solitary tear fell from his face and onto the top of her
head as he held her close.  Thank you, my love.
***
Max left the office on his lunch break agitated and upset. He walked quickly to the office on the
corner by the park. He greeted the receptionist and walked up the stairs briskly.
 Thanks for fitting me in, Dr. Spencer. He walked into the office and he greeted his psychiatrist with
a grim look.  I know I haven t seen you in a few weeks but a lot has happened recently. I had to see
you. I hope that I didn t put you out? He looked at the man with a concerned look.
 Why don t you have a seat, Max? Dr. Spencer looked at Max pacing around and gestured to the
couch.  What s happened?
 My ex, the crazy one I told you about. She had a baby. Max was shouting.  And she dropped the
bomb on me at the same time the baby was delivered to my home and my fiancée.
 The love of your life fiancée? Dr. Spencer asked calmly.
 Yes. Max s face softened for a second.  She wants me to take her to the club.
 Did you tell her that that wouldn t be possible?
 I tried. Max sighed.  She feels the need to see it.
 Did you tell her that you don t want to relive the memories that time in your life.
 No. Max s voice was anguished.  I don t want her to know how bad it was. How bad I was.
 Why is that?
 I don t want her to leave me.
 Do you think she would leave you if she knew?
 Yes. Max s voice was anguished.  It s too dark, she is too sweet and innocent. I don t think she
would understand.
 But that is your past, Max. Dr. Spencer tapped his fingers against the pad and stared at his patient
thoughtfully. Max had been his patient for the past three years. He had been surprised that Max had
chosen him, being that he was younger and fresh out of grad school but he started to realize that Max
had seen him as someone who might understand him a bit better. He knew that he had helped Max but
he felt guilty that he was now compromising his trust.  If she loves you, she will understand that this
is a part of your past. We all have a past.
 Will she understand that I once beat someone so hard that he nearly became unconscious and that I
was so coked up that I didn t even care.
 You re clean now, Max.
 Sometimes I still get urges, Dr. Spencer. Max s voice was pained and he looked into his face.
 To do coke?
 To lose myself. Max stared out of the window.  To be someone else.
 That s a normal feeling, Max. We all want to have a different life sometimes.
 I don t feel that way when I m with her.
 Your ex?
 No. With S., the love of my life. Max sighed. He thought of Sophie and he smiled. She had brought
him breakfast in bed that morning and he d left as she was washing Jacob carefully. He wasn t a good
enough person to have the heart of someone so wonderful.
 Does S think you are a saint?
 No. Max laughed.
 And S didn t leave you after she found out about the baby.
 No. Max paused.  In fact, she s been wonderful.
 You said there s a possibility you may not be the father? Dr. Spencer cocked his head.
 Yeah, there is another man, a very powerful man who may be the dad.
 Are you going to say anything to anyone? The doctor frowned at him.  That may not be a good
idea.
 I don t know. Max frowned.  We d need a DNA test first.
 Do you think S will leave you when she finds out about everything you did in the sex clubs?
 I don t know. He grit his teeth.  We re going to one tonight she wants to see it.
 The X Club? Doctor Spencer raised his eyebrows.
 No. Max paused.  I would never take her there. I m taking her to the starter club. The one I started [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]