[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

not sure whether you know, but some awful stuff about you has appeared in the newspapers over here.
Jeremy says it s all old gossip.
 I knew some ancient scandals were about to get a fresh airing. You re too young to remember, but
years ago some murky rumours about me were reported in the press. My publisher is responsible for
reviving them. He has someone who specializes in feeding juicy titbits to journalists. The omnibus
edition is due out in a couple of weeks, and with me over here out of reach they re giving the press
hacks a lot of bullshit to get publicity.
 They ve provided me with a statement, denying everything as stale old gossip based on malice and
misunderstandings. Sad fact, but scandal has become the best way to sell books these days. A dear
friend of mine came off far worse. His publisher forced him to go into politics to keep his name in
front of the public. Modern publishers have absolutely no scruples about what they force us to do.
Well, must go. Have to sing for my supper while I m over here, you know.
Over the next few weeks I continued to work on the competition as conscientiously as the time
allowed. Dale offered to read through some of them, and I gave him one with gay characters, an
amusing story about two men trying too hard to impress each other. He read that and liked it, and then
showed me an article of his in an old hospital newsletter about the treasurer of the staff holiday club
stealing the funds, as if the Effingham and Meadowgoose material was not too much to cope with
already.  If I changed the setting and the names, would it stand a chance as a competition entry? he
asked.
 You re not trying to get me to sneak it onto my shortlist, are you?
 No. I was thinking of, perhaps, putting it in for next year.
27
© Alan Keslian
Five
One night Smiles turned up at Toby s South London club. By this time the faces of many of the
regulars were familiar to me, though I seldom spoke to any of them. Smiles, out of his usual haunt,
was relieved to see someone he knew.  So this is where you ve been choosing to spend your time  and
money, he said.
Hanging round as usual waiting for Toby, I was glad to see him.  Toby s choice. This place is his
playing field.
 Playing the field, more like? He nodded towards my boyfriend, who was dancing with a sweet-faced
girl I had never seen before. People mostly danced without touching, in whatever little free space they
could find, but Toby and the girl were holding each other close, rubbing their bodies suggestively
against one another. In that place, jealousy over a bit of flirtatious showing off would be bizarrely
possessive.
 He knows all the regulars. At times it s as if he knows the whole of London. A change for you,
coming here.
To talk more easily we walked past the toilets to the open area outside. He had come because the
owners of the Give and Take were planning a new late night venue, and wanted him to investigate the
competition.
 This place always fills up, I said.  It s buzzing, I ll say that for it, but how to go about creating the
buzz to start with& The scene is not really for me, too frenetic, I m not the right person to talk to
about what draws people in.
 I expect they re making money though, takings on the door are probably good& wonder what the
drink sales are like. High prices. You see people come in, meet friends, dance, some of them go to the
bar, some not. A venue like this becomes the place to be seen, but it won t necessarily last, a new club
opens and people go there instead& or troublemakers drive away the decent customers. Late night
clubs are so different to the Give and Take, where it s a friendly bar and there s hardly ever any trouble.
Bet the Gay Symphony Orchestra are not coming in here to rehearse. No prospect of toying with a
trombonist tonight.
 You ve moved on from the clarinettist, then.
 There s a whole orchestra for me to play with, remember.
 You re as bad as Toby.
 I d forgotten how you always take everything literally. What I d really like now is someone steady in
my life. Working at the Give and Take there s too much temptation.
We went back inside to find the club busier than before.  I wonder how many are crammed in
tonight. Bet there are more than health and safety rules permit, he said.  Don t look round, but a
woman over there has just pointed at you. Now she s heading this way. Boy with her is not bad.
That the Jays should turn up was no surprise. The club was mixed straight and gay, and their type of
place. I introduced them to Smiles as  the couple with the music system . He asked them if they missed
28
© Alan Keslian
having me as a neighbour.
Jayde said,  He still comes round to his old flat sometimes, but he doesn t come up to see us. We get
told plenty though. She turned to me.  No use you thinking you ve got away from us that easy. Does
Toby know you re here at his club with your friend?
 He s over there, I said, waving towards him.
 Oh yeah, she said.  Busy as usual.
 Why don t we all dance? Jake suggested.
We found enough space on the floor for the four of us. After a couple of minutes Smiles danced up
close to me. Speaking loudly in order to be heard, he said in my ear,  I wouldn t mind finding myself in
a dark corner with your friend Jake. Bet she keeps him on a short lead. Guess I ve seen enough of the
club. Would it be okay if I leave you to it? I gave him a thumbs up and mouthed  Yes. The Jays were
making regular eye contact with me and smiling. Even after he had gone, with them for company I felt
more at ease in that place than usual. Toby, at the other end of the room, waved to us, but made off in
another direction to see one of his regular contacts.
The club was always hot, and dancing made us hotter still. The Jays followed me to the bar to get
drinks, and I leaned forwards so the barman could hear me. Jake was so close behind me I could feel
him against my back. He reached out an arm to take his drink from the bar and leaned firmly on me. A
lot of straight men think that to act a bit gay now and again shows how cool they are, so I ignored him.
No one took much notice, not even Jayde who was right next to us. I turned around to face him.  How
you doing, mate? he asked, looking me in the eye. He put his hands on either side of me on the bar
surface, pinning me to the spot.
She regarded us calmly and said,  Good in here, isn t it Ben? Like, it s a nice free and easy type of
place.
His face was two inches from mine. He said,  You come here because Toby drags you along, don t
you? Ever thought it was time to let him know he shouldn t take you for granted?
 He s right, isn t he? she said, putting a hand on my shoulder.
As she spoke, Toby came up behind him and startled him by saying,  Put him down, you don t know
where he s been.
Jayde was ready with a riposte.  You re lucky he s still here, the way you go off and leave him lying
around. Serve you right if somebody took him home with them. We re not the only ones who ve been
eyeing him up.
 He s saving himself for me. He s a good boy, aren t you Ben? He enjoyed making me out to be
gullible. What did the three of them really think of me? That I was too dim to keep up in their game of
grab-every-thrill-that s-going? [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]