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screen. He wished the article went into more detail, but the Vietnam War hadn t been a
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ALONE IN A CROWD Carol Lynne
54
popular subject back then. Five years. He took a deep breath. He couldn t imagine what that
would do to a man.
No, actually Ryan did know what that could do to a man. He tried to put himself in his
father s shoes. After five years of trying to survive, he d come home to a broken down trailer,
a drunk of a wife and a kid he didn t even know he had. Not that it excused the things
Ryan s dad had done, but it did help Ryan understand how it could ve happened. The
soldiers returning from the current war received praise and understanding from the public as
well as access to therapists and doctors if they needed, but from what he knew of Vietnam,
the opposite had happened when the soldiers returned home.  Shit.
The statement his mom made in one of the letters suddenly made better sense. She d
said she loved him more after he returned even though he was a completely different man.
Even knowing part of what his dad had suffered made a difference to Ryan. He could
understand how his mom had felt that way, especially knowing she d had another man s
child while her husband suffered in a foreign country. Was that why she d started drinking?
Had the guilt of what she d done been too much for her to deal with sober?
Ryan shut the computer, more confused than ever. Life had been so much simpler when
he d despised his parents. He opened the mini fridge and withdrew two cans of beer before
moving to lie on the bed. To distract himself, Ryan pulled out his phone and called Rio as he
took a drink.
 Hey, Rio answered.
 Hey, Ryan returned.  Is Nate with you?
 Yeah, he s right next to me on the couch. Why, you wanna talk to him?
 Why don t you put me on speaker, so I can talk to you both? Ryan took another gulp
and winced as the beer burned his throat.
 So, did you see him? Nate asked.
 Yeah, but he didn t know who I was. Ryan went on to tell his partners about the
meeting with his dad. By the time he d finished the story, he was finished with the first beer
and well into the second.
 And you didn t know any of that? Rio questioned.
Ryan hated to admit it, but he d been too damn hurt growing up to ever try and figure
out why his dad enjoyed beating on him.  No, none of it until today. Well, I mean, I knew he
went to Vietnam, but that s all. The whole cancer thing s muddied the waters even more.
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ALONE IN A CROWD Carol Lynne
55
 Now what? Nate asked.
 That s the part I haven t figured out yet. I ll know more once I try to talk to him again
tomorrow, but right now, I m too confused to sort out my feelings. Ryan finished off his
beer and got up to get another.  You know, it s not very satisfying to hate someone when
they don t even know you.
 Are you sure he s not faking it? Rio wanted to know.
 I m not positive, but I didn t see even a flicker of recognition in his eyes when he
looked at me. Ryan rested the open can on his chest.  But whether or not he knows me, I
need to figure out if it s worth holding onto my hatred knowing everything that I know
now.
 Plenty of screwed up soldiers come back from a war, doesn t give them the right to
beat their kids. Leave it to Rio to put things into perspective.  I mean, I m sorry the man s
dying, but that s beside the point.
 Yeah, I know. I keep telling myself that what he went through isn t an excuse, but for
whatever reason, I didn t feel like killing him today. That s the real reason I cut off all ties
with them. I was genuinely concerned about what I d do if I ever came face to face with him
again, but it wasn t like that.
 Then maybe the best thing for you is to let some of that hatred and anger go, Nate
suggested.
 Hmm. Maybe. Ryan sighed.  I should go. I ve got a lot of thinking to do before
visiting hours tomorrow. Love you guys.
 Love you, too, Nate and Rio said in unison.
 Thanks for listening.
 Thanks for trusting us enough to talk, Nate replied.
Ryan hung up and set the phone on the bedside table. He knew he should get ready for [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]